On November 24, my grandma passed away. She was a wonderful person who I never knew as well as I should have. A regret that I had when both of my grandpas passed as well. My grandpas died when I was younger and too obsessed with the drama in my own life to realize what little time I had to know them as people.
My grandma’s last few years were not kind to her. Both her mind and her body betrayed her in the worst fashion. In a way that terrifies me to think about. She was lucky to have children that genuinely wanted the best for her and continued to visit her. Even when she lost the ability to truly appreciate this. I can remember both her and my grandpa (her husband) saying they were ready to pass on. Unfortunately, for my grandma it took much longer than was fair or kind.
I had the chance to know my grandma better, but I let Alzheimer’s, distance, and other factors get in my way. She had always been someone I saw only a few times a year and when I was old enough to understand that there was a time limit on our relationship, I felt like it was too late to create a close relationship and by then she was already starting to be affected by the Alzheimer's.
However, at the end of the day these really are excuses that I told myself to excuse my behaviors. I had several opportunities to be a greater part of her life and vice versa. I just did not take them. Of course, I had reasons for why I did not make this a priority in my life and they felt like sound reasons at the time. Now that the time has elapsed, I am not so sure they were anything more than selfish. At the end of the day, I am still more obsessed with the drama in my own life, than with getting to know someone who loved me.